*Let me just say I’m in no way claiming to be an expert on motherhood. In fact I don’t think ANYONE can be an expert on motherhood. It’s just one of those learn as you go, try hard, mess up, fix it, do your best pick up the ball and run with it, and get muddy sort of things.
STORY TIME—-As you can guess, it’s been an adjustment being alone for the majority of the day with 2 kids. The days frequently consist of overwhelming moments of frustration, irritation, tears, yelling, time outs etc. I didn’t feel like myself…It usually takes a lot to get me flustered. I didnt like this current me. There wasn’t really anything that I needed help with,..I’m pretty good at multitasking and I knew how to do everything….it was what was my natural reactions that needed help (if that makes sense). Kylie was starting to get on my nerves so bad that I was starting to have constant negative thoughts and feelings towards her. I missed those days where I felt like she was my little buddy, but they felt so distant now with her constantly whining, fussing, pushing boundaries and now becoming deliberately disobedient. (None of which were helping my current situation). This wasn’t like my Kylie girl. And then I started to wonder if Kylie was thinking the same about me “this isn’t like my mom”
One thing I do know about Kylie is that she gets fussy, and disobedient when she’s uncomfortable or insecure. After some prayer, a good talk with my mom and venting to Daniel, I realized what I had to do
1.Go with what I felt Kylie needed…not what the leading experts or millions of other moms say…but what I felt was right.
2.Give up control-Daniel and I both realized that lately we’ve been kinda controlling. And we need to let little things go and not try to over micro manage Kylie. (This realization really struck a nerve with me by the way…because I’m NOT a controlling person, I DESPISE being controlled and people who are controlling. I will NOT become that kind of parent).
3.DO IT.
WHAT DID I DO DIFFERENTLY TODAY?
- My focus was helping her feel secure and confindent again. So I did my best to let her know that I was aware of her and would take care of her needs just as I would Harley’s.
If ever Harley was a little fussy but I was in the middle of doing something for Kylie (changing her diaper, getting her a drink/food etc) I would say out loud
“hold on Harley, I’m helping Kylie right now. Just a second Harley, I need to help Kylie real quick”
Kylie really responded to this, and when I needed to put Harley’s needs first I would say the same thing to Kylie, and rather than getting upset this time she just went and played with her toys and waited until I was done. - LET THE LITTIE THINGS GO- There were a couple times she didn’t do what I asked-pick this up or stop touching that-however since they weren’t deliberate acts of disobedience but more just being distracted by other things…i just let them go and didn’t discipline or insist that she do what I had said.
- Sometimes just ignore them-Kylie (like many toddlers) has this distinctive fake cry she does just to get attention. Since negative attention is still attention whenever she starts whining out of the blue I don’t even look at her. Sometimes I’ll say “i’ll help as soon as you can use your nice voice” or I will tell her she can whine, but it has to be in her room. But other times depending on the situation, I find it best just to ignore it altogether, then the second she stops I cheerfully say “oh are you happy? What can I help you with!?”
- Take time for her-Ultimately kids just want their parents to pay attention to them, and to feel that they are loved. So we read books and ate snacks together and I let her do her makeup with me etc. Non of these things were very long lasting, but they were frequent.
CONCLUSION
Set boundaries & Just love them—-help them feel secure and that you are aware of them
Trust your instincts——-each child is different and there’s no “ONE WAY FITS ALL” answer unfortunately. You know your child best, so do what you feel will help them best. And try your best to do it with love (sometimes it feels impossible lol but you can do it)
Don’t be a control freak!—–Gauge if it’s really what’s best for the child or if it’s just what you want. If it can be let go, then let it go!
Ignore when necessary
Quality time—-Remember that your child is what’s most important so don’t confuse what needs to be done with what you simply would like to get done.
Talk/vent—-Remember it’s good to talk things out and vent. Either to a friend, a family member or a spouse. Women solve problems by talking. (If I only need to vent I find it helpful if talking to my husband to let him know before hand that I’m just venting, and I only want him to listen while I talk out loud and not to fix it. 🙂 )
“Never let a problem to be solve become more important than a person to be LOVED”
